100 and 1 Ways to Annoy Oliver Wood
by just giddy
Summary: Oliver's beloved team list 100 and 1 ways to annoy him.
1. Chapter 1

**Ok, I know this is seriously random, but me and my lil bro were reading a fanfic and all of a sudden I got this idea.**

**So Katie is going to be **normal**, Angelina is going to be** _italics_**, and Alicia is going to be bold.**

Hem, hem………

Well?

_I'm thinking of what to say!_

**Just say this is a 100 and 1 ways to annoy our dear captain, Oliver Wood.**

Brought to you by his lovely chasers.

Oh…what they said.

#1: eat lots and lots and lots of junk food around him. Pisses him off more than anything else.

#2: continuously show up late for practice

**We did that once remember?**

Yup. That vein on the side of his neck practically burst out… doing the tango.

Good times, gooooooooood times

**Uh, what's going on here?**

George get out!

**Tell me what's going on!**

FRED!

**Gasp! Are you making fun of our dear captain?**

_No!_

Never!

**Always…**

Alicia!

**Sorry**

**_.…can I help?_**

**_Yeah, I'm in._**

Whatever! We gotta finish before Oliver finds us!

**We'll have double practice for sure…**

**So #3 pat him on the shoulder and say 'it's alright dear, you tried your best' every time one of his new plans go down the drain.**

#4: fill a quaffle with water so when you throw it on him…he ends up soaking wet. Hehe

#5: add a cherry

**He hates cherries.**

**#6: every time he rambles on about Quidditch, hit him over the head with a beater's bat**

**#7: make fun of his hair.**

I like his hair.

**Who cares? #8: purposely get detention everyday we have practice.**

#9: show up five minutes before the match starts so he's running around like a chicken without a head.

**#10: continuously point out that his broom is out dated.**

#11: put a pink unmentionable in his captain quarters and pretend like you have no idea how it got there.

I remember that!

**#12: find something wrong with everyone of his girl friends.**

#13: pretend that your getting bad grades in all your classes and your teachers are threatening to take you off the team.

**That's stupid.**

No it's not!

**Sure it's not…**

#14: knit him…a pair of green and silver socks.

Ooooh, Slytherin colors

**Nice touch**

**Now the last one for today #15: purposely get into shouting matches with him every single practice.**

That's my job!

**And you do it so well.**

**It's not that hard to tick him off…**

Ok! Well we'll do #'s 16-25 another time! Adios!

**You know French?**

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**…ok, was that completely stupid? I'm counting on you guys to tell me.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yay! Reviews! Of course this means I'll have to write lots more and it might take me a year to make up stuff and it might all be repetitive…but who cares? I'm up to it.**

**And remember Katie is normal, Angelina is _italics, _Alicia is bold, Fred is _bold italics, _and George is bold underline. and to add to the confusion _bold italics underlined, _is an action. And underlined is everyone. **

**So onward!**

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…what number did we leave off on?

_You know, that's a very good question._

**_Hold on, I'll find out._**

**_((flips through to last chapter))_**

**_We're on #16._**

**How'd he do that?**

**Like I would reveal our secrets.**

_Can we just start already? We have practice tonight, remember?_

Well I think we should pull a #2

**Which is continuously show up late for practice to those who forgot.**

**((all shake head in disappointmentat those who forgot.))**

**Ok, moving on.**

**#16: flirt with him and then once he's wrapped around your little finger, go on about how you have this huge essay due tomorrow until he either cancels practice or cuts it short.**

Works every time…

#17: point out how he's graduating this year and how it's his last chance to win the Cup and if our current trend continues, he'll never see his stupid name on that stupid thing.

**Always brings him to tears. **

#18: every time he comes up with an awesome play, nod your head and say things like 'I taught him everything he knows.'

**#19: find his play book and write little notes on everything. Make sure it ranges from 'this one sucks' to 'who came up with this one? Flint?'**

I remember that!

Of course you do, you're the one who wrote 'you're so dreamy' on his new team play.

**Classic.**

**#20: add cherries**

Er…we said that one already.

**We did?**

Yup.

**Sure did.**

**Dim wit…**

**Ok, well the newly revised #20: ………I'm sorry, can't think of anything.**

What? You can find a new prank to pull on me everyday and you can't think of one way to annoy Oliver?

**…you don't have to be so mean Kates ((pretends to be hurt but then perks up)) I got it! Newly revised for the second time #20: call him…'Woodsie'**

Or Woody!

**Or Ollie!**

Or Woodsie-kinns

**#21: swipe all the nutritious food off his plate and replace it with sweets when he's not looking.**

**#22: throw a tomato at him during practice and when he's covered in the juice and gunk, glaring at you, shrug your shoulders and simple say you mistakened it for the quaffle.**

And don't forget the cherries.

**#23: instead of practicing Quidditch, one day everyone should play a muggle sport (you know, footbull, soker, and bolleyball)…on the ground.**

Oooooooooo

#24: while he's sleeping, put his hair into cornrows and those braids with the little beads at the end.

Jamaican style

**#25: send howlers to him screaming things like 'Remember to change your underwear Ollie-kinns!' and 'why did you order that thong?'**

**Funniest moment of my life.**

**#26: while he's sleeping, put whipped cream on his face…with a cherry ontop.**

Make it two cherries.

Does anyone understand why he hates cherries?

__

**((all shake heads and then ponder that odd thought.))**

#27: for Christmas, give him boxers with little snitches, quaffles, brooms and bludgers.

**Best Christmas ever…**

**((all sigh happily of the memory on that fateful Christmas when Oliver unwrapped his 'special' gift and the look on his face.))**

**Good times.**

#28: pretend your going to form a rock band with the rest of the team and your all going to have quit Quidditch in order to conquer your 'rocking' dream.

He almost fainted when we told him that.

**Don't forget the part where we told him we thought he wasn't cool enough to join.**

**And that we thought a boy band would suit him better.**

**He almost fell off his broom.**

**#29: hoist his 'special' boxers onto the flag pole in the pitch and pledge alligiance 'to the boxers, for the portion which it covers, and to the Oliver, who we dearly insult, one nation, under Hanes, for liberty and coverage for all.'**

**That was so beautiful…**

**((all wipe a tear from their eye.))**

30: while your practicing a new play, have everyone break out singing 'Hello, Goodbye' from the Beetles.

**She says yes! I say no!**

She's says stop, and I go!

**Oh O!**

OOH ooooooooo!

**Ooo nooo!**

**You say Goodbye and I say Hello! Hello hello!**

I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello!

Hello hello!

……

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**Hey, you guys like? Tune in for #'s 31-45! Adios!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok, I'm not going to ramble for a change and instead, just go straight into the story.**

**Onward!

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Before we start, I think we should say the pledge of Hanes.

**_((all nod))_**

' I pledge allegiance to the boxers, for the portion which it covers, and to the Oliver, who we dearly insult, one nation, under Hanes, for liberty and coverage for all.'

_Well now that that order of business is done, #31: when you can't find him (and he is infact sitting right next to you in the great hall) scream :Ollie-Ollie oxen Free! At the top of your lungs until he either turns red in the face where you go 'oh, there you are Ol' or until he screams at you_

**_#32: on a particularly hard practice, stop in the middle of a play, fly down to the ground and have a temper tantrum. You know, fist pounding the floor and kicking, all that good stuff. And cry 'it's too hard, I can't do it! I quit!'_**

**He almost killed you for that.**

**_Yeah, I know. But it was worth the look on his face._**

It was worth the look on your face…

**What does that mean?**

Throw in a frilly pink dress and a teddy bear, I would've thought you were a little girl, Fred

**.…an ugly little girl.**

..with cherries.

**What the hell does that mean?**

**((shrugs shoulders))**I dunno.

Alrighty then…. #33: fill all his socks with cherries!

And his stockings on Christmas. That can be #34

**Don't forget to put them in his regular stockings.**

Fred…

**What?**

**((everyone else sighs because we all know that Oliver doesn't wear stockings on a daily basis and if he did…I think I would cry and would no longer be able to finish this story. But he doesn't so it's ok.))**

**Fine, just in his socks and Christmas stockings then.**

**Why does he hate cherries?**

I think it was because of that time we did put cherries in his socks, and he put them on without realizing. There was cherry pits in between his toes for a week.

Don't forget that his feet were almost permanently red.

**…cherry red.**

_#35: on Halloween, have the whole team dress up as cherries and harass him for the whole day.Or until he hides in a corner the feeble position._

**And steal all his candy.**

#36: dye his hair bright pink.

_Or cherry red._

**And cut it into a Mohawk!**

**_(wipes tear from eye)) we taught her so well_**

**I know _((wipes own tear from eye))_ **

oh and every time you see him from there on out, chant 'hey how are ya'? hey how are ya'?'

**We couldn't look at him with a straight face for weeks.**

**#37: point out that his Quidditch robes are almost cherry red.**

**And magic marker a cherry on the back.**

He had to get new ones. Hehehe

Ok, Enough with the cherries!

**But the cherries are fun!**

**And good for you!**

Yeah, yeah, yeah, #38:every time Harry falls off his broom in practice, call Oliver 'the-boy-who-let-the-boy-who-lived-almost-die'

**He almost punched you for that one.**

Did he really think he could catch me though?

Not on that outdated broom of his.

**But Kates, isn't yours even more out dated?**

So he has a Nimbus 2003 and I still have the 2001, but mine's faster than his anyways.

**Katie, it's because he's bigger than you.**

Stop it! I'm faster!

Because he's bigger than you.

Oh, I gotcha now. Ok, onward!**_((rolls eyes))_ #39:** _don't take practice seriously._

**…**

_What?_

**_Do you seriously take it seriously to begin with?_**

**_((shrugs shoulders))_** if he's not being such a prick about it, yeah.

**Same, sometimes it's not that bad.**

And we really do have to win the cup this year.

**Ok, before my twin and I look even more like a prick, #40: switch his real wand with a fake one.**

Remember that one time he tried to clean up that mess in the common room, but we switched his wand, so instead it just turned into a chicken?

**He had the funniest look on his face!**

**…I think that chicken is still running around somewhere.**

Hmm…

**#41: say the pledge of Hanes every time he bends down to pick up the quaffle.**

He turns bright red every time.

..cherry red

#42: every time one of his fan girls tries to find him, don't point them in the wrong direction, lead them to the exact spot he's currently hiding from them.

**We showed that first year to him.**

**Did he even speak to her?**

She was a first year! Even Oliver has more sense than that.

**#43: set off stink bombs in his captain's office every time he goes in there to write up a new play.**

_If we have to learn any more plays I'll strangle him._

**Ugh, he makes me lead them more than half of the time. Then he yells at me when I ask a question because it's so god damn complicated.**

**It's like he wants to see us do bad..**

**Or he just likes to yell at us.**

I'm going to go with the second one.

**((everyone nods head))**

#45: blast Spice Girls during practice and say it must be the Slytherins trying to sabotage us._He pounded Flint for that one._

**_And it was really us who did it._**

**The scum bag deserved it anyway**

Oh tell me what you want, what you really really want, just tell me what you want, what you really really want...uh, something, err…if you wanna be my lover, you got to get with my friends, friendship lasts forever, friendship never ends!

…does anybody remember the rest?

Nope.

…oh tell me what you want, what you really really want

…!

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**Well there you go. I know, I have no idea what the lyrics were. I'm writing this with my 'lil bro and he knew more words than me. Weird hu?**

**Lil bro: you're the weird one. Punk.**

**Lil bro: you're the punk**

**Whatever, so if anyone would like to remind me of the right lyrics, I might go back and change it. Maybe.**

**Lil bro: sure you will**

**Punk**

**Lil bro: you're mom**

**Punk, we have the same mom**

**Lil bro: oh, ok then…you're mail box.**

**Same one too.**


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